BAKE THEM
The most common of the options. Tired of eating plain jellybeans? BAKE THEM IN STUFF. If you look online for any kind of jellybean recipe, this is what you’ll find. It makes sense to put sweet things together, but you still have to chew gummy-textured little things. If you’ve ever looked at a giant pile of jellybeans after eating too many of them, you know this option is terrible.
So, no getting jelly stuck to teeth…how about:
DRINK THEM
Another abundant search result. As with just about anything edible, people will turn their candies into booze. Leave candies in vodka or some such liquor for a time until they dissolve and leave their flavor in the alcohol. Simple and popular. So popular, in fact, jelly belly even makes their own drink mixes. I have a bit too many jellybeans on my hands, however, so doing this would just make me die of alcohol poisoning.
No intoxication, then. Maybe if I:
MAKE OTHER CANDY WITH THEM
Jellybean brittle. Yes, it’s possible to melt them down, mix them with other ingredients, and make other kinds of candy with them. An interesting idea, sure, but something seems a little off about something crunchy having the same flavor as jellybeans.
Still, that’s not as weird as making them crunchy by:
FRY THEM
You can thank Texas for this. Deep fried Jellybeans. Rolled in funnel cake batter first, which I suppose makes it a bit more normal. Still, though, is there anything left that we as a species haven’t deep fried? Cookies, candy bars, hamburgers, and now jellybeans? I might try this option anyway, since I am American and as such need deep fry oil to live, but I don’t want to be a stereotype.
Can’t be pigeonholed when you:
MAKE MANDARIN CHICKEN WITH THEM
Wait, what? That doesn’t make much sense, but-
LARRY KING
No, this is just getting silly now-
BACON
…
Goddamnit, internet.
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